Dating Apps

And online dating

Before we begin you should know that I am a woman who wants seduction dripping from my pores before I even get close to indulging in my lovers embrace. What does this mean? It means foreplay begins by opening doors for me, pulling out my chair, planning our adventures…

It was about nine years ago that I began working in an organisation where I met a soul sister. Both of us started there at the same time, had so much more about us to offer than our roles, were told off for laughing too much and talking too loud. Needless to say, neither of us stayed long. The best thing that came out of the experience was our soulful connection.

One thing she would entertain me with were her online dating experiences. You see, I was really not interested in online dating. Not because I had any judgement against it, I just had an old romance mindset which I did not associate with dating apps. Of course, the beauty of online dating just like anything online is that it has the possibility to increase the chances of Divine encounters in various new ways. I have known friends and have family who have met their person online who are now happily married with babies. That was their goal and it warms my heart to know they have fulfilled these dreams.

For me, online dating was something I had little to no desire for. The thing is, I believe there was something waiting for me with this avenue that I was not ready for then.

Anyway, after a very long time of trying with her sometimes embarrassing and often hilarious accounts, my soul sister finally got me to open a T***** (you know which one) account. I had no serious intentions with this, nor did I expect anything. So began years of my on and off relationship with dating apps.

During these years I entered a serious(ly unhealthy and intense) relationship. Not with someone I met online. So what happened during those other single years and my experience of dating apps? The beginning was an overload of lustful led encounters which I immediately got bored of. Quickly learning how to navigate these apps, there was a lot of unconscious swiping, accidental matches, and boredom killers.

I had a friend for a time over the years who would tell me whenever she went onto dating apps she wanted to find her “husband” - she was quite shocked at how I used the app. The things is, years before she knew me I had my own exhausting rollercoaster of a ride with these apps.

For example:

One individual took me to a juice bar, we had a cute chat, then we went to his car and he kept talking about how much he wanted us to smoke weed.

Another individual took me to a restaurant where a lot happened but the most notable was he stroked my leg under the table (I was wearing a skirt) and I asked what he was doing to which he responded: “checking to see if you have hairy legs.” Literally laughing as I type this, and I even laughed out loud then, because what has society raised?

Anyway, these are a couple of examples where I broke my “rule” of not meeting anyone in person from a dating app. Why? Because friends at the time encouraged me to date! The thing is, there was always something pulling me towards an inner knowing. One that wanted me to be so self-focused. One that found little to no satisfaction from dating app interactions.

There is only one person who has had an impact and left their mark from all those matches - someone who I am grateful for whether he realises it or not. Maybe he will read this and hopefully he will know. And I will tell him myself given the chance. You see, this person proved to me that it is a mysteriously Divine world we live and love in. Providing me with a new focus on the Divine light ahead. It was to this person I had said that I was on this particular dating app to remind myself that different men exist. After having been focused on deep healing from that previous relationship I mentioned, I was leaving a window open to possibility. A possibility that the type of man I desired did exist. Which I now have an even greater understanding of, and I hold so much faith in.

I eventually realised what everything inside of me had been saying all along:

I don’t want to do this.

I tried it. I tested it. I had some receipts.

I know there was a reason for me to experience and explore the world of online dating. Even when I tried and it did not sit right. And that is okay! Years of on and off taught me how much I always felt so drained after using these apps, how much energy they were taking from me, how much they were actually pulling me away from listening to the voice of my heart. Having said that, these experiences were also somewhat reminding me of this inner voice. I was conditioned to operate in a way which was the “norm” whilst I deeply desired desert sunsets and mountain top views with my person. However, these were taught to be mere dreams and not to be expected. Dating apps suddenly felt like a convenience.

I am writing this to say:

Hold faith in the dreams of your heart when it comes to love. You were not born to “settle”. You may find your person in the most unexpected way (it could be a dating app, why not?!)

Societal conditioning on how to love is not for everyone. Not everyone will understand your path and your choices. But you are the one embodying and listening to your soul. Not them.

A year ago I deleted/disabled my dating app accounts. What I have realised is how much self-devotion has been gained. How much more my energy is being honoured. For me, dating apps were filling in what felt like a missing gap. A gap being filled in a way society dictated. In a way that did not sit right with me yet I felt was a way for me to tell the universe I was open to love. The thing is, the type of love I have always desired requires a healed version of me. A version which I have been acquiring since I stopped exerting my energy into a hopeless bottomless pit of a time I long ago had transitioned from internally yet was holding onto externally.

Redirecting my energy has allowed me to establish the level of faith I hold in Divine Love. I have learnt to trust and hear my inner knowing in a way that is not polluted by external voices and misaligned values. I answer to a Higher calling now. It took me years to find myself rooted so firmly in this, and it also meant releasing who/what pulled me away. Because, for me, those who understand this journey are those who are meant to travel alongside me. I am grateful for all the teachers in all the versions of souls that entered my path.

At some point on your journey of Sacred inner union, you begin to hold so much trust in yourself after years of learning how. As you grow a relationship with your inner alignment you grow a safety in YOUR truth. Not theirs.

So, dating apps and online dating may give people what they want. There is certainly something they gave me which I am grateful for. However, I am also aware that I have experienced incredible levels of self discovery which have led me to veer away from chasing any external distractions and instant gratifications. For me, this steered me away from the societal norm of dating apps.

The truth is, whichever mask dating wears it all comes down to how much you have removed your own, how much you have gotten to the core of truth driving your existence, how much you are ready for the connection (in whichever avenue it finds you) that your soul led heart truly desires.

Sending love,

Jyoti 🏹