They call it Sacred Rage.

My Aries moon would like to speak about rage: Sacred and destructive.

This message has been screaming through (internally at least.)

As a teenager I used to ask my mother to take me to see a counsellor.. during my outbursts of rage. The words “I hate you!” were often heard being screamed out. Teenage girls and their hormones.. is what society would have said. Especially when you are from a culture within which traditionally the girls are, shall we say.. “demure.”

Even during years of studying for a degree in Human Psychology I did not venture into therapy. Still through all these years the longing was palpable. I remember after graduating when I desired to follow the path of psychotherapy how excited I was about the fact that having therapy was a requirement in order to become a chartered psychotherapist. That pathway was cut short (a story for another day.)

It was during an especially disruptive event - reflective of a volcanic eruption - where I hurt someone I love, which hurt me even more (literal physical illness) that I finally realised.. this longing was no longer a want. It was a need.

So I went in search of a professional and a popular search engine found me a counsellor. The year was 2020. April. And our video call sessions began.

It was three sessions in when I quickly realised she was not the right one for me. I very quickly stopped reaching out to this individual.

Once upon a time, friends would describe me as “determined” which I did not understand at the time. I understand now.

A year later, 2021, I got in touch with a therapist I had researched a few years before. At that time I had a consultation with her and did not return. Not even in 2020. Until March 2021. An opening for our sessions became available a few months after.

She was the one.

(Important point when seeing a therapist: do not give up if it doesn’t work the first few times and you feel therapy is the right path for you, even if you can’t describe why!)

Up until I saw a therapist I had been doing so much inner journeying, travelling to the darkest depths of me, integrating so much of my shadow. I realised that I had been doing this digging alone - now I needed someone to help me tie up some loose ends. But, of course, more just unravelled. Thankfully so.

Look, I get it, we are here to speak on RAGE. Let’s speak.

Through finally being given a stage to express myself to someone who wanted to listen, to truly hear me, to see me.. I learnt my rage was years of internalised grief, a suppressed voice, broken dreams, heartbreak, expectations, emotional burdens not mine to carry, my own emotions which were not given a space to surface.

Monsters.

I described my rage to my therapist as a monster coming to the surface that I had no control over, instead it gained control over me. I could feel it overcoming me and taking over. Whilst I was left feeling powerless. Only to feel the disgust and pain of the aftermath.

You see, rage can be destructive. When it is not healthily expressed, it becomes heavily self-destructive. When it is unhealthily expressed it becomes destructive to all that cross its path. Usually the ones who you love the most.

I want to speak on Sacred rage. The honouring of every emotion within you. Including the dark emotions, the shadows, the emotions derived usually from some kind of pain.

The importance of feeling every feeling within you must not be overlooked. To create space/time to sit with yourself, to process your thoughts/experiences, to release via healthy outlets.

Healthy outlets are discovered if they are not taught to you from a young age. This could include crying, physical exercise, creative expression. I have utilised all three. I used to enjoy putting on boxing gloves for a very brief period of time, I still find solace in the stress relief of tears, and creation is my life force. All three I had to learn for myself.

These days I enjoy (very much so) screaming into/punching a pillow. Have you ever tried that? I would suggest it, just make sure no one else is around so you can direct your rage in a Sacred manner.

From a very young age I used to find Goddess Kali captivating. Her dark skin, her tongue sticking out, her fabulous necklace of skulls. Those eyes. The prominent red. The Goddess of transformation, destruction and rebirth. The destroyer of evil.

I believe my rage was Maa Kali within me. For, every Goddess exists within every Goddess. She had been a guide for my inner darkness, including rage. For its transmutation.

Learning the importance of feeling anger when you are taught anger is wrong/shouldn’t be felt/is unlovable, is an absolute game changer. Not only do you learn to love yourself through all of your layers as you give yourself permission to heal through these layers, you also learn how to express yourself more freely, and how to love others unconditionally.

There are many dimensions to this where Sacred rage is just one. However, it is one not to be dismissed/discouraged/disapproved.

When I was younger I used to imagine when I got older I would have a house and in the back garden I would create a shed to throw plates and paints and release that rage! I was brought up with a “no swearing” policy and I can tell you this: find healthy ways of emotional expression for your absolute full spectrum of emotions because they will come out in some form or another. I became someone whose favourite word, alongside “passion” was “f*ck” - laughing now as I write this because that Aries moon in me is REAL!

I believe we all come here with lessons to learn. For our soul to experience it all, bringing us back to the light. I strongly believe our shadows are one of the biggest gateways to this.

Happy Mars Day, love. Allow the fire of this day to remind you that your self-expression is as valid as your every emotion. It is also your responsibility to learn how to handle your emotions, including how to healthily express these, how to hold boundaries with others and with yourself. This means knowing your limits. Gaining self-awareness through self-reflection.

Above all, honouring the Divine love you are absolutely made of. Allowing yourself to be so full of this love that it pours out. Because you hold space for every version of you as you unravel every layer. This is how you learn to love everyone/everything outside of you too.

~ Jyoti ✨

P.s. ensuring that you have a safe (as possible) space when feeling and releasing your emotions is essential. A safe space for you and for anyone else present.